how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
