I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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