Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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