As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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