Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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