I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
