I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
