I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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