Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
