the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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