yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
