I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
