I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
