There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
