I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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