I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
