So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
