I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
