P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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