It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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