Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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