What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My bed smells like the plague
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
