she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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