i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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