wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
