Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
