I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
