I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
