morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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