she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
