I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Vodka?
Forever.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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