You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
