my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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