I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
