We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
