ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
