even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
