Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
