yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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