so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
