That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
