So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize