I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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