I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
