So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
