would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
