My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
