If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
