I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
