You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
