wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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