Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
