kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
