I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
