are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
