She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
