I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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