Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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