I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
