Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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