he thought i was a dude.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
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