WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
