connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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