I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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