Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
