i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
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I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma