Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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