I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest