You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza