booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
