I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch