We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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