Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
