This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
