I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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