someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
