i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
