a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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